Honesty: Something We All Need to Improve On

It's not you, it's me. You deserve better. You're too good for me. I'm just not ready for a relationship. How many of us have heard any of these lines before? Probably everyone. Hell, I know I definitely have. I have heard every possible break up line you could imagine, I'm sure. It's ridiculous and stupid. I mean, "its not you, it's me," really?! Why do people use that as an excuse when breaking up with someone, when, the truth is, it is you! If there wasn't something wrong with you, they wouldn't be ending it, now would they? We've all been on both sides of that situation. If you were the dumper, you knew the reason you were dumping them was because there was something about the person you didn't like, and if you were the dumpee you were prrobably thinking "Yeah, right!" I guess, what I'm trying to say here, is why can't we all just be a little honest once in a while?

Honesty. What does that word mean exactly? According to dictionary.com (Who needs an actual dictionary these days?!), it means, "truthfullness, sincerity, frankness." Simple enough. At least, you would think most people could understand it. No? Well, let me put it a little simplier for those of you out there who still don't understand. Tell the TRUTH! Even if it will hurt someone's feelings. If people would just stop being so deceitful and quit lying to one another, we would all be better off. Maybe we would all be able to trust more easily. I just don't understand why we feel we have to cover up things. Why we have to make it so hard on ourselves. It's harder to cover up the truth than it is to just tell it.

For example, I was dating this guy - we'll call him, Douche. Yeah, that suits him well. He broke up with me OVER A TEXT MESSAGE, telling me that he wasn't ready to be in a relationship and that he needed to work on himself before we could be together. He reassured me that it was only a temporary thing. That he could definitely see a "future" with me. Did Douche and I ever get back together? You guessed it! No, we didn't. Instead of being honest and telling me that he was getting back with his ex, he lied, making it seem as if he did care about me and as if he did want to be with me. Which, in the end made it worse on me. If he would have been up front with me and told me, the first time, the truth, then I would have been so much better off. Don't get me wrong, I would have been very hurt and upset, but I would have gotten over it so much faster. Instead, I wait months for us to get back together. I was still talking to him, thinking everything was going to be okay, and I'm totally surprised when I find out (from someone else, by the way) that's he's with his ex-girlfriend, who he said he was totally over! That hurt like hell. This could have all been avoided, by being honest.

I'm always honest with people. If I'm not into someone or I don't like something someone said, I'm honest, and say something about it. I don't see the point in lying or avoiding things that need to be said that may or may not hurt someone's feelings. You may be thinking "Well, isn't that kind of mean? Just telling people whatever you want, even if it hurts them?" No, it's not mean. You don't have to do it in a mean or hateful way. Just because you're being honest, doesn't mean you're being a hateful person. I mean, I'm not a hateful person at all! If you've met me, you know that I'm one of the nicest people ever and I don't like to hurt people's feelings or, for that matter, even confront anyone about anything, but I know when it has to be done. And I, more than most, know what it feels like to be lied to. People have done it to me my entire life, and it's very painful, expecially when you find things out from other people.

Lying only makes matters worse. It makes it hard to trust anyone. It makes it hard to rely on anyone but yourself. It sometimes can even make you doubt yourself. It can make you feel like you're not good enough. It hurts your self-esteem and confidence and most importantly, it ruins future relationships. You can't help but to feel as if the people in your future will do the same thing these past people have done. That's why you've got to have hope. Hope that someone will eventually come along and prove you wrong. Prove to you that people can be good and can be trusted. I know it's hard to allow yourself to even open up to anyone when people haven't been honest with you. Ever. If people would just be honest, things wouldn't be like that. If people we're just honest and straighforward, you could avoid so much hurt and so much pain and you would actually be able to trust people.

I don't even see how anyone can't not be honest. You would think the guilt would eat you up inside. I know it would me. Just think about all these things you have to cover up and hide. You have to tell lie on top of lie, and you almost always end up getting caught, making things worse for yourself, as the liar, and the person you lied to. It just doesn't make any sense! It could have all been avoided! Ya know, a lot of people these days like to "take the easy way out," but isn't the easier way, just telling the truth the first go around? I think, yes.

So, next time you tell someone a little bit less than the truth, think about how you have felt when people haven't been honest with you. Think about how hurt you would be if you were on the other end. Don't lie. Be honest. Even if you have to be blunt about it. Trust me, if you do, you and the other person will come out better in the end.

-Lisa Marie<3