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I'm trying to finish a poem that I've been working on for days now. I just can't seem to finish it like I want to. I've got all the thoughts written out on paper. I just can't seem to fit them together right. Maybe it's because I'm too over-critical about myself. I have to have things just right. I'm sure it's just fine the way it is, but anyway, it's not done. So, I didn't want to leave you with nothing to read. I mean, I've had the same stuff up for a while now with nothing new, so I decided I would share a poem I wrote a while ago with you. 


Now, this poem is very personal. Not many people have read it, and not many people have known that I have even felt this way about myself. I wrote it when I was going through some really rough times with my family and in my own personal life. I was feeling very down on myself and depressed. I was feeling pretty much every awful emotion anyone could possibly feel all at the same time. Anyway, here it is.



I hate myself.
I hate myself for feeling this way.
For feeling worthless.
For feeling insecure.
For feeling like I don't matter.


I look in the mirror,
You see someone beautiful.
I see someone ugly.
You see someone amazing.
I see someone worthless.
You see so many good things
That I cannot see.


What's wrong with me?
Why can't I do this?
Why do I feel this way?
Why do I feel so unworthy?
Why do I feel so much hurt, 
so much pain?


I can't do this anymore, 
This cruel thing called life.
I just want to give up.
Give up on everything.
Give up on happiness.
Give up on love.
Give up on being okay.


I just want to be okay.
I just want someone to care.
I just want someone to know
Where I'm coming from,
What I'm going through.


But don't worry about me.
You eventually become numb to the pain, 
Until you can't feel anything.
I'll be fine,
Once I feel I'm worth something,
Once I feel I'm myself again.
The beautiful, wonderful, amazing person that you see,
When you look at me.